I have been overwhelmed lately with the crazy….you know things like a time consuming demanding 8 year old who requires multiple therapy and dr appointments, a mom needing to be on her toes for the potential outburst…there are many……things like a daily enema for Janie that our daily schedule is worked around….planning for prom…..scheduling dr appointments, going to dr appointments….oh yeah the swim meets and lacrosse games, many of which I have to miss due to keeping up with the rest. Generally overwhelming some days…..mostly the reality of working with Madeline in the midst of the normal. Not to mention my big kids, trying to stay connected with them….some days I feel they get the raw end of the deal.
I read over this and it totally sounds like complaining I know….it is…but it is real, this life of ours.
On Wednesday Madeline and John David and I drove to meet Hank in Clarksville for his step mother Joyce’s funeral. She was only 69 and died after a 4 year extremely sad illness (super nuclear palsy). Granddaddy has taken such good care of her. We are all so thankful she is with Jesus and no longer suffering yet she will be dearly missed. As I sat in her funeral looking at her beautiful picture and dwelling on her life and what she has meant to others, I started thinking about what I will leave behind when I am gone. What if God had not called me to this hard… as I sat with Madeline with her silky in her mouth after an outburst at the funeral home. What if I was not overwhelmed with this life, a deep sadness washed over me for the loss of Joyce and for what I could have missed out on. Yes it is hard but it means something….to me, Christ, my family, 2 little girls and 1 big girl who were orphans.
I needed this moment of clarity….I can admit to myself that some days are plain hard and it is ok to feel the pressures and whine a bit…..but deep in my soul is the overwhelming security that God chose this life for me, He has handed it to me on a silver platter and allows me to live it each and every day, giving me such a full wide open life to live. Grateful is not a strong enough word to express how I feel….
1 Thessalonians 5:18
Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.