an email yesterday about the death of a mother of one of Janie’s friends. I am
always frozen in place when I hear of the death of a parent. My heart goes out
to the parent left behind and the children. I immediately am taken back to that
hard stand still time that we went through after Jeff died. I want to help and
reach out but I always hesitate…
reaction that my experience does not count seeing as I met Hank and was
remarried less than a year after Jeff’s death. That fact makes me feel unworthy
of reaching out to someone….as if I do not count, my life was “fixed” too
know is that I was and am still heartbroken over Jeff’s death, the utter
destruction it had on our little family of 5. We lost our family on that day
and it has never been the same. However in the worlds eyes my family has
continued to thrive.
enormous family of mine is thriving, we are blessed in more ways than I could
have ever imagined during that dark time in my life. Yet I discount what I lost
because of the enormous blessings God has given me. Actually my basic emotion
towards these blessings is guilt. Why would God give me so much more, why would
He give me bravery to move past fears and go all the way to China 2 times??
the answers but I do know I hesitate because I feel unworthy, I did not do “my
time”…who came up with the token amount of time one can marry after a death
anyway? I don’t know that answer either.
that I am heartbroken for this sweet family….a family that will never be the
same again. All the dreams they had together on the day they married will not
be realized and that is heartbreaking.