I have been in somewhat of a funk lately. Lots of whining and fussing among girls around here…..I was talking to one of my besties last week and was telling her how hard this past year has been for me. Lots of adjustments and lots of growing pains for me. The last time I felt this way was when Jeff was so sick. It brought me to a place where I had to see myself for who I really am….sinful. I used to see myself as someone who did not make many seen mistakes as I was growing up. I never did drugs, was a “good” girl with boyfriends, not a partier ect so, I thought I was pretty good……on the outside but what was going on inside? All that was was a vague memory when Jeff was sick and my life was so different from others my age. I saw in myself jealousy, discontent, frustration, unhappiness, horrible attitude….the list goes on. It was the first time in my life I truly saw my sin nature. During that time God worked in me in a way that I’m still thankful for.
All that to say He is up to that again. I am very aware of how pathetic of an attitude I can have, how frustrated I can be, the list goes on and on. These totally cute, precious girls are really wrecking havoc on me right now…..the whining, the fights, the demanding……..is wearing thin on this Mom.
Today in church I sang along to the verse Philippians 4:8
“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”
God hit me upside the head with this. I need to dwell on these things, not the day to day hard stuff. It is so easy to lose sight of where God calls us when the days get hard…..just the other day Hank was told by a friend that he could not do what we do so well. Hank almost laughed in his face and said “don’t let us fool you, we fight and yell and all that too”:)
I’d love to say I handle all things in this life with grace but I can’t. I don’t do well with whining, fighting, chaos I can’t control ect. I like calm (unless it is just loud talking and playing among all the kids, love that); I’m a peacemaker so it is hard when I can’t make peace among little ones. I wish I was different but I’m not…..and God knows that. He knows how desperately I need to trust him that he has this all in his hands…. and is shaping me to be who he has planned for me to be all along……that, I love and accept fully.
Now for a few precious pics taken between “I not sitting there”… “she is touching me”….”waaaaaa” ect….haha