It Can’t Be Me…..

This week I received the sweetest card from our sitter Lauren. She and her husband have moved back to middle Tennessee for him to complete his residency. How we miss her!!! In her note she thanked us for the difference we made in her life….watching us live out this crazy life with faith and hope in Christ as we raise our children. I was so touched by her note as I do hope our lives will be a testament to God’s desires for the orphan….”Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” James 1:27

I also cringe a little…..because I know those deep dark recesses of my soul that only God knows as well as I do. I know how I struggle every.single.day.of.my.life……to be the patient parent I should be, but I’m not……I raise my voice way too many times to count…..I get exasperated way too many times to count…..I want some peace way.too.many.times.to.count……I am so far from the wife and mother He created and wants me to be.

I remember way back when the big kids were getting a little older and I thought I had learned that whole patience thing…..and for many years I held it together. But do you know why??? Not because I had finally learned how to do it. In church one day it dawned on my why….. my circumstances were just a bit easier, I did not have children clamoring for my my constant attention. I was pretty good in the patience department for a time because my patience was not constantly tried…..like it is these days. Oh how that sin can creep back into our lives when we think we have it beaten down. How easy it is to believe that it was me who beat that sin. Once the circumstances became ripe for impatience I bit. The sin has always been there…. just dormant for a time.

Since I received that sweet note I have been dwelling on how hard “I work” at being the mom I should be to these girls….how I flail through the days by the skin of my teeth without a backward glance at God. Through a simple thank you note God  reawakened me to the entire reason He sent us to China……very simply for His Glory……nothing about me other than He wants me to cling to Him as I raise these children He called me to. I get so caught up in the day to day living that I forget the simplicity of what He has called me to… Him ….period….the end…It can’t be me….

Now let’s look at some of God’s glory:)