Adoption

…..is hard! We always read about the happy parts……. But we all know as Christians that life is not easy, He did not promise us that it is. I had a situation with Madeline today that was very ugly… …..Her behavior……. And mine. She became threatened by having to pick up extra children from school and acted out,very badly, and I became slightly undone……. Understatement! Madeline does not react well to transition or the unknown….probably due to not being attended to as an infant……..but she does not……..she has come such a long way but the scars are still there……. Probably forever……..but she will learn to deal with it better as she has already. She is resilient……..yet so very fragile………just breaks my heart. I really struggle with God and what is happening to all these sweet helpless children all over the world……..I am thankful that I can make a difference in my daughters life as inadequate as I am…….yes I get frustrated…….I overreact…….I am not understanding and expect her to act “normal”…….. I become irrational….I react instead of stepping back and understandIng………I “get” it after the fact! So here I am tonight just like I did with my big kids, looking at them sleeping and wishing I had been more patient, more loving, just more! It is more…..hard this time around……..

“for with much wisdom comes much sorrow;the more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes 1:18