I posted this on instagram and facebook but I feel so much more than just these words for my girl. I cried for the first 3 months I was pregnant with her because I felt like I was not ready to handle another baby so close to her sister and brother...then I cried for the first 3 months of her life in thankfulness of God's gift of this special baby... and for my selfishness and fear while pregnant. Little did I know that her sweet Daddy would be diagnosed with cancer before she turned 2 and we would be told that we should not have any more children when she was 3.
Jeff and I were in Pittburg for a gamma knife procedure when we were told this information. I had my tubes tied when Julianne was born because we can control our lives right??? Oh how funny and naive I was at 28 years of life. I no longer felt funny or naive when the doctor told us this information at 31 years old. I was crushed, because I could no longer choose to have a child but more crushed that I had not trusted God 3 years previously when I became pregnant with this precious surprise.
As I walked down the corridor of the hospital with Jeff after our pre consultation I was overcome with God's mercy and grace on our lives. He knew we needed this child before we thought we were "ready"! I cried as we walked that hall, Jeff holding my hand and telling me he was so sorry I was scared. I'll never forget looking up at him and telling him I was not scared... I was thankful in that moment for Julianne. The realization washed across his face and we became thankful together in the midst of scary....feeling God's hand upon us even in the difficult place we were in.
So my sweet Julianne I thank God for the gift of you! You are so much like me yet you are a much better version of me. You have such wonderful qualities all your own and I'm so proud of the woman you are!