Wednesday, September 21, 2016

~Anxious Thoughts~

I must be on some sort of roll lately in keeping up with this old blog. It seems when life becomes somewhat unbalanced I drift back to this little place of mine to share our life and jot down my thoughts.....or I may go totally awol for a bit ha!

I found myself getting anxious last night over Janie's upcoming surgery....thoughts about something going wrong without Hank with me. After Jeff died I was not much of a worrier anymore.....well it appears to have returned. I really liked being that person who "did not worry until life gives you something real to worry about". I have been known to be an underreactor (not even a word ha), kids can be screaming and I don't even react until I see what is going on.

Fast forward to the present and for some reason I feel tightly wound....waiting for the other shoe to drop so to say. So when the surgery nurse called today to discuss Janie's history I was relieved that I felt calm giving her all the details of Janie's health. I hung the phone up and sat in my car a bit glazed over by all we had talked about. I realized I rarely think about these things. I forget all the internal workings that are "wrong" with Janie. On a day to day basis these "wrongs" don't cross my mind... because see her you would never know the special intricacies she has going on beneath the skin.

I share these thoughts because by all intents and purposes I appear to have it all together, but I'm a hot mess these days. I'd love to say I'm that one who handles life's changes well .....but I can't claim that either. So.....trusting that I continue to rely on this verse

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?  Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life” (Matt 6:25-27)?

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