Saturday, October 17, 2015

"You Asked For This"

There have been a few people in my life who have responded with
"you asked for this"
when talking about the struggles that come along side adoption....
trust me I have spent hours contemplating that phrase

I was reading my She Reads Truth devotion this morning
about Paul's struggles in his life

I know both how to have a little, and I know how to have a lot. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being content—whether well fed or hungry, whether in abundance or in need.
-  Philippians 4:12

I can say that I have never once gone hungry in my life
along with most the people I know,
however I do know abundance and need
again along with most of us...
reading about Paul's struggles and dwelling on my own
I came back to the statement
"you asked for this"

My reaction to this phrase...
(not a pretty reaction for sure, just keeping it real:)
 it is a backhanded slam meaning
"you wanted those girls, buck up and stop complaining"
one thing I have learned in life is there is not one person on earth who truly understands
living in my shoes or yours...
why are we always looking for someone to understand our suffering here on this earth???
most will respond in their own understanding
which is all we can expect from our human peers....

Paul did not go on in length
(as I do)
explaining all his suffering
discussing all the ways in which to figure out how to make his suffering stop...
he merely states what it is
and then points us to Christ.

I vividly remember feeling scared a few years after Jeff died...
life had gotten "easier"
I was not constantly scared of death and the destruction it leaves behind
and I was scared without that threat...
I was scared I would lose that sweet place with God
where there was no distraction of the world getting in the way of our relationship
in those days I was hanging on by a thread and that thread was Christ.

Once life took on a "normal" pace I was losing that thread and I was scared.

I know our lives are a constant ebb and flow in plenty and want,
back then I had learned the contentment in want but not the plenty...
as the years went by I learned contentment in plenty
letting go of my guilt that I was no longer suffering as other people were..
I learned to embrace God's gift of a new husband and family...

Now back to "you asked for this"
 I begged God for each of my girls!
my pleading and begging him did not start until
He planted that beautiful seed in my heart...
that seed was desire to answer His plea for orphans.
I don't really know the exact day He started growing that seed
but He did and my heart opened and changed
I had an enormous desire to travel across the ocean
grab a precious child all alone in the the world
living in an orphanage without a family.

I totally understand how others don't get this...
why would you open yourself and your family to all the
that goes along side the adoption of a child..
 one who has suffered
 has known what it is to live in hunger and need
then has to learn to live in plenty when he or she comes "home"
leaving behind the only world she has ever known.

the answer is quite simple
others don't understand why "I asked for this"
merely because they have not experienced that seed being planted in their hearts
they have their own seeds planted because God uses each of us in different ways...

what have I learned???
first off maybe I should try to be more like Paul
look at my circumstances in black and white
that is what they are "circumstances"
which continuously change
and trust that God can do more than I can even imagine in my girl's lives
Oh yeah Paul also teaches not to worry
I am learning once again that worry gets me nowhere
all worry does is make a big ole jumble of constant dumb thoughts

back to "you asked for this"
I have learned to give those people a pass....
I can't expect them to understand
not one of us understands it all
that is why we desperately need Christ to intervene on our behalf

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