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Thursday, August 8, 2013

Fear and Dread....

It took a look at sweet Lauren's blog to bring my world into perspective again......

She posted this pic from my house in the midst of the chaos she helps me with...
She said "even when our world seems upside down, God keeps his promises"
spoken so simply and eloquently by this sweet 24 year old

my mother gave me this little sign and I keep it right by my sink to be a daily reminder.....
lately I have been so caught up in said chaos that I have lost sight of it....
I have lost sight that God made promises to me....

"Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God
who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6

I have been stuck in that fear and dread place for much of this summer......
I hesitate in sharing much info since Madeline is getting older and I feel a strong need to protect her...
A child like this can rip your heart in two in the intense way she moves me to love her and the intense way she can frustrate me in her loss of control...
all that to say it's been a little rough over here....
hence the quietness on the blog.......

As I am coming to terms with her long term "diagnosis" 
I feel fear and dread
As I deal with daily confrontations....
I feel fear and dread
When I see absolute joy on her face...
I feel fear and dread of what is to come later

I don't however fear and dread our God
I know this deep in my soul that He is good
that He loves me
that He loves Madeline more than I can even imagine
I only fear Him in a lovely way
I am choosing to hold on to that kind of fear.....

"Let all the earth fear the Lord,
Let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of Him!
Psalm 33:8