Yesterday I drove to Starkville to meet Julianne and help move her into her sorority house. I had 2 1/2 hours each way by myself to listen to MY music and just think and pray. There were storms all around, I could look to the right and see sun shining through clouds and look to the left and see huge storms touching down. I love storms and feel like I am watching God move the world: I am always left feeling a disbelief that others don't believe in our God when He can move the wind and rain in any way He pleases and leave us with such beauty after the storm.
I thought alot about my life and how God has left me with such beauty after a long storm. I look at my precious Julianne and realize what a gift He gave me in her. When I found out I was pregnant with her I am ashamed to admit that I cried because I was not ready, Allie was 2 1/2 and Gardner was 15 months and this was not my time. Oh how I know God just shook his head in sadness over my reaction. The day she was born, I held her and cried at my own selfishness and such joy over being able to have her.
Less than 2 years later her Daddy had an 11 hour brain surgery, a year after that we sat before Dr Konsialka in Pittsburg hearing the details of the Gamma Knife proceedure Jeff was about to undergo. The Dr expressed the importance of us not having any more children due to the radiation. At that moment it struck me how much God loved me and gave me such a gift as Julianne. If I had "my baby in my time" I would not have gotten to have any more. He had protected the desire of my heart to have more children in giving her to me early! I am so very thankful that He had such mercy upon me knowing how thankless I would react in the beginning.
I am so very proud of my Julianne and all she is accomplishing in her life. She has been my sidekick since she was a baby, did not walk until 16 months because I carried her everywhere:) I'll write more about you sweet girl on your birthday in a few days (and I know you are rolling your eyes right now:) haha!! I love you!!